Yoke's on you! (Joke's on you)
Hahaha, hardy har har, hee hee hee, ho ho ho, every one of us have a special laugh.
Find out was yours is with this page of "knee-slapping" jokes!
WARNING: IF YOU FIND BLONDE JOKES OFFENSIVE, DO NOT READ THE BLONDE SECTION!!!
> A guy walks into a bar...
A blonde walks into a bar. "Ouch!" she yells. (She walked into a bar. Ha ha ha)
A blind guy walks into a bar. He sits down, orders a scotch on the rocks and says "So a blonde walks into a bar," The bartender says "Look pal, I'm gonna tell you now, the lady sittin' next to you is a blonde, and a champion wrestler. The other person sittin' next to you is a blonde, and is in the Marines. I'M a blonde, and I'm a Navy Seal of 6 years. Now, before you go on, do you really want to tell a blonde joke?" The blind man replies "No, not if I have to explain it 3 times."
An Irishman, a Scotsman, and a Frenchman walk into a bar. They all order a beer. The door swings open and 3 flies come in and one lands in each of the beers. The Frenchman pushes it away and says "I will require another." The Scotsman take it out and continues drinking. The Irishman takes it out and starts thumping it yelling "GIVE IT BACK! GIVE IT BACK!"
There's a blonde, a brunette, and a red head getting ready to get beheaded by the guillotine. The brunette walks up and they ask her if she has any last words. She replies no and gets ready. Just as the blade comes down, it stops less than half an inch away from her neck. The man holding the execution says "It is a sign from God! You are free to go!"> Blonde Jokes
Now the red head walks up, and he says it's her turn and asks her the same question, and she also replies no. Just as the blade comes down, it stops less than a quarter of an inch away from her neck. "It is a sign from God! You are free to go!" So she leaves and now it's the blonde's turn.
He says it's her turn and the blonde says "Are you kiddin' me? I ain't goin' on that thing 'till you get it fixed!"
So this redhead is getting interviewed and these three blondes walk up. The interviewer asks "How far away is the sun?" Redhead says "Gosh, I don't know, like, 2 planets?" Interviewer says "I'll have to count that wrong." Blondes start chanting "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!" So he asks the redhead "How many ounces in one milliliter?" Again, the blonde doesn't know, so he counts it wrong. The blondes again chant "Give her another chance!" So he says "Ok, but this is the last time! What's 2+2?" "4." Replies the redhead. The blondes chant "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The CSI (Crime Scene Investigators) are investigating a murder crime. They figure out that the killer is a blonde lady. It was an accidentally committed crime. They asked her why she didn't dial 911 when she found out the victim was dead. She replies "Well DUH, there isn't an eleven on my phone!"
A blonde is watching the news. She hears that 3 Brazilians jumped off an airplane in suicide. The blonde is crying uncontrollably. Her husband walks up and comforts her saying "It's O.K. honey, they chose to do that," and going on and on. She sniffs and says "I know, I know. Well, how many is 3 Brazilian anyway?"
Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it
was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. Then they landed and decided to go for a walk. They first passed a little girl who was crying and they asked, "little girl, little girl,
why are you crying?" and the little girl said, "an apple came down and killed my new kitty". Next they passed a little boy who was also crying. And they again asked, "little boy, little boy, why are you crying?" and the little boy said, "a lemon came down and killed my new puppy." Then they passed a blonde sitting on
the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, "why are you laughing so hard?" and the blonde said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up!!"
A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are stranded on an island. America is just 100 miles away. They decide to swim to America.
The brunette swims and makes it. The redhead swims and makes it. The blonde swims 50 miles, gets tired, and decides to swim back to the island.
A good actor gets slapped and turns his face right away, in the right direction. A kinda O.K. actor gets slapped, delays for half a second and turns his face in the right direction. A bad actor gets slapped and turns his face the wrong direction. A blonde actor? He gets slapped, delays, and then yells "Ah! My leg!"
A blonde and a brunette are on a train. The blonde can't decide whether she went to college with the brunette, so she asks, "What college did you go to?" The brunette replies, "Yale." "Okay," says the blonde "WHAT COLLEGE DID YOU GO TO?"
A blonde calls 911 and says "Please come quick! My house is on fire!" The dispatcher asks "What's your address?" The blonde replies "I-I don't know! I forgot!" "How are we supposed to get there then?" They ask. "Duh!" Says the blonde. "Big red truck!"
> RAnDomNeSS
A guy is stranded on an island. He prays "Lord, please save me."
The next day a helicopter flies by. The pilot asks "Hey, need a lift?" The man replies "No thanks, the Lord will save me."
The next day a boat comes. The captian asks "Hey, need a ride?" The man replies "No thanks, the Lord will save me."
The next day, an airplane comes. The pilot asks "Need help?" The man replies "No thanks, the Lord will save me."
The man dies and when he sees the Lord he asks "Why didn't you save me?" The Lord replied "I sent you a helicopter, a boat, and an airplane - what MORE did you want?"
A mother is getting irritated with the fact that her son won't fix himself a meal because he's too lazy. One day, the mom gets fed up and says "What's so hard about cooking a microwave meal? You stick it in and push the button--do you know how to do that?" The son replies "I know how to push your buttons."
My friend tried to walk into Target, but she missed.
I walked into Wal-mart . . . but I hit a wall.
